My Journal

By Harriman Nelson

87

I heard raised voices from Lee’s room as I changed from my kilt into casual civvies, though I couldn’t discern what Lee and Joe were arguing about. But I was pretty sure it was about Lee’s earlier ‘undetermined’ statement about resuming command.

 Part of me already knew it was probably a lost cause, but I still had the lingering hope that a miracle would happen and he’d resume command, even if at some future time, hat in hand, he begged to.

“You’re a fool!” I could hear Joe shouting, as he slammed Lee’s door shut and headed downstairs. Seconds after, there was a knock on my door.

 “In,” I called out.

“Harry?” Lee asked, still in his kilt, as he opened the door, hesitant. “I need to talk to you.”

“Can’t say I haven’t been expecting it…over here,” I said, patting the bed and sat down.

He came in and sat down next to me, but didn’t look at me, his head bent.

“Well?” I asked.

“I…about earlier…I need more time….”

“Son,” I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, “if you haven’t decided by now, you’ve already made your decision. You made it long ago, in fact.”

“That’s not true. I had to think about it and still do….”

“No, Lee,” I sighed. “You know you don’t.”

He said nothing, studying the pattern in the rug beneath our feet.

“As soon as we’re cleared to leave by the police,” I continued, “I’ll be returning to Seaview. I’d like to get  underway to Santa Barbara as soon as possible.

“Joe says I’m a fool. Do you think I’m a fool?” he asked, looking up at me, his eyes haunted.

“I think your decision, or lack of it, if you prefer, is irrational, foolish even, yes. But I can’t force you to resume command. And, you’d be miserable if you don’t truly want it, whatever or how insane the reason.”

“But you’re not sore at me?”

“Disappointed in your decision, yes, but not disappointed in you, the man, never.”

Just then Lee’s cell phone rang interrupting us.

“Yes, I see,” Lee answered. “Thank you. Goodbye,” he said and closed up the phone, “we’re free to go. Cleared of any wrongdoing.... Do you want to leave now or tomorrow?”

“I’ll miss Miss McAffee's breakfast tomorrow, but perhaps it's best for both of us if I go now. Even if the press is still outside.”

“I’ll take care of that,” he said and called the police back, requesting a squad car to pick me up and drive me to Doolin, NIMR to cover the cost. “Harry?  I really have enjoyed having you spend some time with me….”

“Same here,” I said, rising and began to repack.

“Then you don’t hate me?”

“Not at all, though I do want to bash your head in sometimes.”

He grinned sheepishly, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. Then he left me to my grief.

And it was grief. Not the tears kind, but my heart ached for the mistake Lee was making.

He’d live to regret it, I knew.