My Journal

By Harriman Nelson

2

I hadn’t been able to sleep well at all after yesterday’s incident, so I gave up trying, pulled on my sweats and headed to the sub pen. It was only about 0330 and it felt a bit eerie walking the short distance from the Admin building, (Yes, I’d bunked in my small apartment ‘above the shop’).

Things were quiet, save for the deck watch, though I knew in a few hours things at the sub pen would be a beehive of activity getting Seaview ready for her departure tomorrow.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to see that Lee was aboard. He was in the nose, still in uniform, so I supposed he’d either worked so late that he didn’t feel like calling a cab (the bus schedule didn’t include overnight service anywhere near the institute), or he’d been down here to soak up the feel of his boat.

He was facing the viewports, his hand on the frame, gently stroking it. I was about to greet him, when I saw him slide to the deck, tears in his eyes.

Should I intrude? Comfort him? Or would he be embarrassed to have ‘lost it’ even if there wasn’t anyone else around?

In the end I stealthily returned topside and returned  to my office, leaving him to his solitude.

So, my brave boy wasn’t all that immune to the raw emotions we all felt and I was greatly troubled by it.

I should have gone back upstairs to the apartment but instead I pulled out the map of the seaweed beds Seaview would be checking on for Japan.

I’d been requested in person to see what kind of disease the seaweed was sporting and what steps were needed to to correct it. The blue, green, and brown of the finely detailed map blurred from the moisture in my eyes. I’m not sure how long I just sat there before I noticed voices in the outer office. Apparently I had fallen asleep at my desk and had resorted to the  half empty bottle of Scotch which had spilled on the maps. Thankfully, Angie had wisely let me be.

“Is he in?” I heard Doc’s voice.

“Let’s just say he’s unavailable,” Angie said. “Had a bad night apparently.”

“So have we all…I really need to speak to him about the captain’s depression.”

“It’s okay, Will,” I called out hoarsely, “come on in.”

I tried to hide the Scotch before he entered, but he’d seen, took it out of my hand, and had a swig himself.

“Don’t worry,” he said after giving me back the bottle, and sitting down opposite me, “the alcohol killed all of my germs.”

I’m sure I had bloodshot eyes, the way they felt and the way he looked at them, but mercifully didn’t say anything about them.

“I heard about yesterday,” he said. “In all the time I’ve known Lee, I’d never have thought he’d actually give up.”

“What did you expect? It can’t be easy for him believing he’ll never see again.”

“All I told him was that in similar cases most patients would have regained their sight by now. Operative word ‘most’. We may have missed something but the swelling of his optic nerves isn't completely down yet. Hence, still blind....”

“Then he’s just being impatient?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps not. The interiors of the nerves may have been torn or there’s something blocking reception, like a brain tumor or….”

That was the last I heard until I felt Doc’s touch on my wrist and a cool cloth on my forehead. Damn, I’d fainted. Again. This was becoming an irritating habit.

“That’s it. Breathe deeply….”

“A brain tumor?” I gasped. “My God, did you tell him that?”

“No. I told him to be patient a little longer and that there could be a multitude of reasons he hasn’t regained his sight yet.”

“Damn it, Will, why didn’t you tell me?”

“He asked me not to.”

“Oh.”

“Right now, sir, frankly, I’m more worried about his emotional state than the physical. He may think he’s doing the right thing, removing himself from any hope, but it’s premature. That’s why I want him to go along on this mission with you.”

“And do what? Even you have to see that he can’t serve aboard her in any capacity.”

“Even as a consultant? Help you with numbers or something? He can hear, he can type, he can…”

“He’d know we asked him along because we felt sorry for him. No, Will, he’s best placed where he is right now…” I hesitated, remembering what I’d seen.

“Well?”

“He was on the boat this morning. I saw him in the nose…Will? I came on him early this morning, aboard her and he…had tears in his eyes.  Actually crying I think but I left before I saw any more.”

“I see,” Will said after a moment. “You can take the captain away from his boat, but you can’t take the boat away from the captain.”

“You’ve been speaking with Ames. Lee said the same thing about him and ONI.”

“Can you get out the mission? I mean, you yourself? I think Lee needs you right now.”

“I wish to God I could. But the Japanese government asked for me specifically, not just Seaview. There’s something adversely affecting their seaweed crops. They want my humble opinion to help determine just what it is and how to fix it.”

“Damn. Lee needs a friend right now...wait…of course! Joe Jackson! If he can get leave….”

I was already ahead of Will and calling Angie to get the man on the line, wherever he was stationed. I was sure I had enough influence to help him get leave from the active Navy. Then Will asked Angie to have  the cafeteria send over something for me to eat and the strongest pot of coffee they had.

I’m not sure if Lee will welcome an unannounced visit from his close friend and former spook buddy, but I’m convinced, should Jackson be able to visit, that he should be able to distract Lee from his depression. They go back a long way together, and I can just imagine the two reminiscing about old times, talking ‘shop’, and maybe even get in some sailing.

After all, Lee’s current sailboat has been rather idle in her slip and even Lee would welcome getting her out into some blue water with a decent sailor at the helm. Oh, I can sail, but even when Lee had his sight he complained that I could use a refresher course!

By the time Ames called to remind me of a budget meeting with Lee, I’d already showered, changed, and looked none the worse for wear, not that Lee would have been  able to notice.

 Just after we’d decided on the funding for the lawn sprinklers, he got a call from the Division of Blind Services. I was almost at the door to give him some privacy when I heard the voice from the other end say ‘Guide Dog.”

Lee shrugged, knowing somehow that I was still in the room, and grinned saying “Wouldn’t hurt.”

Angie told me later in the afternoon that Lee had an appointment at the center tomorrow to discuss the application process, rules, reg.’s, training, etc., and might not be able to say good bye when Seaview sailed.

I was ready to storm over to Lee’s office to shake my boy by the shoulders and yell at him that it was too soon to think about it, since Doc wasn’t at all certain that it was going to be necessary. But knowing Lee, I knew he wouldn’t listen.

By the time we said our goodbyes for the day, I’d only told him that should he acquire a guide dog, to make sure he had plenty of flea dip.

“Don’t worry,” he joked, “I still have some from when I was a man-beast.”

That wasn’t true of course, but I accepted it as intended.