My Journal

By Harriman Nelson

20A

I was having a rather pleasant dream of Emmie walking on the beach with me when I was awakened by sounds of grumbling just outside my cabin door.  I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really I didn’t, but I couldn’t help myself.

Still blurry eyed, I opened the door, startling Riley and Patterson. “What the blazes are you yelling about? And what are you doing in officer’s country?”

“Just taking a shortcut to the crew’s mess, sir,” Patterson said, “Sorry.”

“You can’t be in that much of a hurry for breakfast.”

“No, like, not really,” Riley said, “except….”

“I asked you both a question.”

“Well, it’s like this….”Patterson began.

“We wanted to, like,” Riley interjected, “ask Mr. Morton to put something on his shopping list, and….”

“And I still think,” Patterson said, “having him look for kangaroo milk is just plain stupid.”

 “Kangaroo milk?” I mused. “I’ve never heard of it being for sale. Why not just ordinary cow’s milk?”

“My mom said it was, like, to die for when making a cheesecake,” Riley said.

“You could too,” Patterson said. “I remember hearing that kangaroos roam free in Australia and they’re only killed….”

“Harvested,” Riley corrected.

“Harvested. To manage the population. I doubt any are farmed and actually milked. Who knows what they’ve been eating.”

“Yeah, well you’re no expert.”

“Well, Mr. Morton is our resident gourmet,” I sighed. “Go ahead and ask him. But, the next time you decide to argue please do so away from my hearing.”

“Aye, aye, sir,” the men replied in unison, and headed around the bend.

I really had no idea if kangaroo milk was really an option, but I was glad to have someone else handle it. Besides, as XO, Chip was the procurement officer.

My stomach rumbled as I showered and dressed and I wondered how close we were to the island. Food. Glorious food as the song went. Restaurants and grocery stores. By the time I headed to Lee’s cabin, I was drooling. 

The door was ajar, and I peered in. He was going over some rough drawings and photocopies of the sea lab, courtesy of ONI, no doubt. Chip, Joe, Ames, Katie were looking at them with him. For a moment I wondered if I’d forgotten an operational briefing. But since O’Brien and Sharkey weren’t there, I supposed this was just an impromptu gathering.

I’d been getting used to seeing Ames in uniform, but not seeing Katie in that pretty little yellow sundress. She always appeared in a suit of some king.  As modest as the dress was, she filled it nicely and I could tell the men were having some difficulty paying attention to the places Lee was pointing to on the blueprints. I sure wished I had X-ray vision. But then, I wouldn’t have dared. I’m a married man and my loyalty is to her, even in my fevered imagination.

Nobody noticed my arrival at the doorway so I gave a little cough to announce myself.

“Oh, morning, Harry,” Lee said, or tried to say, as he’d just put the end of the pencil in the corner of his mouth.

His companions rose to attention, but he didn’t, getting away with being my son before my captain.

“How soon till we arrive at the island?” I asked, waving the group  down.

“About 0900,” Lee said.

Chip groaned, then, “I’ve been trying to talk Mr. President here into putting on a little speed.”

“Chip~” Lee warned.
“It would be nice, Lee. I was hoping for real poached eggs for breakfast. With bacon and hash browns.”

Joe whistled in appreciation then tapped Lee’s hand. “Those hash browns sure sound good, bro. Can’t we push her to flank again?”

“Even if we did, by the time Chip’s team goes ashore, gathers provisions, and return, it would be way past breakfast, maybe even lunch.”

“Breakfast for supper, then?” Chip asked.

“Cookie was planning on steak and potatoes for tonight,” Lee said.

“It’s not like he can’t change his plans,” Chip said

“I was looking forward to it tonight,” Lee sighed.

“You can have it tomorrow,” I said. “Besides, didn’t you want me to ask the Hewlett’s to stay for supper after their visit tomorrow? Steak’s always a company meal.”

“’If’ they’ll accept the invite to check on your clams and Mallie,” Lee said wearily.

“I’ve been reading up on them,” Katie explained. “He’s got social anxiety. Hardly ever goes anywhere where he has to deal with people. She’s semi claustrophobic and rarely visits him except to bring supplies or help him with experiments. And she’s on the mainland right now.”

“Well, that’s not encouraging, is it,” I said. “The whole idea was to get them over here so Lee and Joe can go snooping.”

Lee tapped his pencil on the desk, then, looked up, gleam in his eye.

“That’s why Chip’s going to call her personally and beg, borrow, and plead for her to treat his baby kitty.”

“I am?”

“After that, you’ll extend the invite for her to stay for supper. Mentioning that we’re also inviting her father-in-law. We’ll pick each up via the flying sub. Sparks can find the closest beach or dock to her address.”

“It would be better if you called her Lee,” Chip said to the agreement of the assemblage.

“He’s right, Lee,” Katie said. “It would be hard for her to resist an invitation extended  by next president of the United States.”

“Enough already! I’m not running, and that’s final!”

“One thing, Lad,” I said, “just how are you going to make Mallie act weird should Mrs. Hewlett visit?”

“Why not go ahead and make that call to Dr. Hewlett now, Harry?”

“Very well. I don’t care to hear any more arguments about you not running for office. But I’m glad you’re not. Thankless job. Besides, you’re needed here,” I said, patting Lee’s shoulder.

As I headed out, I heard Lee order O’Brien to engage flank speed to the island. Perhaps Chip just be getting those poached eggs for a late breakfast after all.

I had Sparks make the connection to the sea lab but there was no answer. Maybe he was ‘outside’ checking his aquaculture beds. I left a message for him to call me.

It came sooner than I expected.

There was no indication he’d been outside. His hair was dry and combed and he was wearing a lab coat.

“Dr. Hewlett? I’m Admiral Nel….’

“So you said on your message. What’s so damn important that you need to speak to me?”

“Well, during our trip to the Anemone, we picked up some rather interesting clams. Some deep sea turtles too, but I only need your help to see if the stuff growing on their shells is normal. Frankly, sir, I need some help in identifying the species.”

“You? Need help? I find that difficult to believe.”

“God’s truth, I’m stumped. You’re more up close and personal with this part of the Pacific than I am. Besides, my XO is trying to get help from your daughter-in-law regarding the ship’s cat. So it would be nice if you could check out my clams then join us for supper aboard Seaview tomorrow afternoon. You’d be doing me a huge favor with your expertise, Dr. I’ve never heard of or seen such clams, very toxic, or their pearls.”

“Pearls?”

“Yes, assorted shapes, sizes, and colors. Have no idea of the value.”

“Well, that’s different. I’d be happy to help you with your investigation. I’m a bit of an amateur gemologist. But, Nelson, I’m not sure your staff will be able to talk my daughter-in-law over to your sub. She hates anything to do with the sea. Won’t even go swimming in a pool. There’s one in her apartment complex.”

“She certainly won’t have to swim. Our flying sub can pick her up, then dock with your sea lab to add you to our passenger list. We’re collecting galley supplies today, so the food, I assure you, will be fresh. No Spam.”

“Very well, just make sure you contact me at least thirty minutes before you come for me tomorrow. I may need to wash off some of the residue from my aquaculture specimens.”

“Of course, Dr. Nelson out.”

I leaned back in my chair, relieved. Now the ball was in Chip’s court. I checked with Sparks to see if he’d concluded his call.

“Not yet, sir. He’s still trying to convince the skipper to do it…and I think he’s winning. He’s helping the skip to put on the eye patch. Says he doesn’t want him to scare her shitless with the evil red eye, his words, sir, not mine. Made him take off his tie too, and unbuttoned the skip’s top three buttons himself. Told him a little chest hair made women wonder about the rest of a guy and make them more willing to be receptive to any suggestions.”

“It’s not that kind of operation!”

“That’s what the skipper said. But Mr. Morton insisted we use everything in our power to get Mrs. Hewlett over here. You want to him to wait? It’s going to be direct via Skype, that’s the internet audio visual feed. It’s going to the Animal Behavioral Center’s office.”

“Yes. I’d like to be in on this. I’ll be down in a moment.”

“Aye sir.”

So I headed to the radio shack, wondering if tomorrow’s diners would include the cat whisperer.

The youngish widowed cat whisperer.

The very attractive cat whisperer.

The ‘available’ cat whisperer.

When I joined the boys in the radio shack I motioned to Sparks to make the call.

“Animal Behavioral Clinic,” the elderly receptionist said as the image formed, “how can we help you?”

“Er, I’m Captain Nelson-Crane....” Lee began.

“Sure you are, luv. I told you frat boys to stop with the pranks and…”

“But he is,” Chip interrupted. “We’re calling from the Seaview. I’m Commander Chip Morton and I’m in charge of the ship’s cat. Mallie.”

“Maleficent,” I added, “that’s her real name.”

“Don’t you think you’re a little old to help some college kids with their prank?”

“We look like college kids?” Chip asked, pleased.

“Madam,” I said, “I am Admiral Harriman Nelson, aboard the submarine Seaview. What do you want, their birth certificates?”

“Wait,” Lee fumbled around in his pocket and removed his wallet. Taking out his driver’s license, and held it against the screen. “There. Will that help? And this,” Lee added, taking back his license and pulling off his eyepatch.

“Blimy! How’d you’d lose your eye, sonny? Where’d you get that? Transylvania?

“Miss,” I said, “can you get us the manager?”

“Sure, luv, but he won’t buy your story either…”

She clicked her end of the connection to a simple screen saver showing the office hours and pictures of cats and dogs at play. Then it cleared and showed a man with a mustache wearing an expensive business suit.

“If you college boys don’t stop your…er…” he said pausing and turned to the old lady, “I thought you said they were frat boys, Mable.” Then he returned his attention to us. “I’m sorry. There have been a lot of pranks since Mrs. Hewlett’s interview on Oprah. I’m Ira White. Office Manager. How can we help you?”

“The skinny one with the red eye said he was a captain,” Mable said. “Watch out for the old man. He’s nasty.”

“Get me a gin and tonic, will you, Mable?

“It’s office hours!”

“Just this time?”

“She’s not going to like it.”

“I’ll take care of my fiancé.”

With that Mable did as she was bid and disappeared out of view.

“Gentlemen?” he asked

 “I’m Captain Nelson-Crane and…”

“The Captain Nelson-Crane? I thought you looked familiar.”

“Afraid I am,” Lee sighed, “And we’re desperate. Our cat….”

“I can’t believe I’m speaking to you.”

“Er, yes. Well, we need Mrs. Hewlett’s assistance.”

“Ah, yes. Mallie, isn’t she?”

“Yes. And she’s acting really weird. Attacks us out of the blue and….”

“Sometimes it’s not the animal with the problems.”

“We know that,” Chip said. “We just need Mrs. Hewlett to tell us what’s wrong with us or our cat.”

“You realize that she prefers to evaluate her patients in their natural habitat…that would mean Santa Barbara…in about two months….”

“Actually,” Lee said, “we need her now. Aboard Seaview. Before we sail for home. We’d like her to come out tomorrow.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

“We’ll be near the Hewlett sea lab by then,” Chip said.

“I fail to see what that has to do with anything.”

“Mr. Hewlett will be assisting me with some of my specimens,” I said, “it might be nice if the Hewlett’s can visit and have supper with us.”

 “I don’t mean to be rude but Mrs. Hewlett has enough trouble visiting the sea lab. Look, we do have other cat whisperer’s we can refer you to….”

“What’s going on, Ira,” Mrs. Hewlett’s voice preceded her as she arrived, carrying several expensive looking shopping bags. “Mable’s all a tither.”

“The Seaview’s cat is a bit off. I’m checking the roster for an available whisperer.”

“She’s been attacking me and my crew,” Lee said urgently, “you’re supposed to be the best cat whisperer in the area and….”

“Ohmygod. Captain Nelson-Crane! Ira, why didn’t you call me? You know I always carry my cell.”

“Anyway,” Lee continued, “we know you’re somewhat claustrophobic. So is my mom, but she manages okay with the flying sub and Seaview. You could examine Mallie in the Observation Nose. We can even be on the surface if you like.”

“And,” I said, “since your father-in-law is joining us for supper tomorrow after he helps me with some specimens in my lab, it would be a nice opportunity for you to visit and enjoy a good meal. We’re getting fresh groceries.”

“You actually persuaded him to come  out of his little hidy hole to meet you?”

“Yes. And he seemed rather pleased about it. We’re going to pick him up with the flying sub. We can use it to pick you up at the nearest beach or dock, too.”

“Please, Ma’am,” Lee said, using his lost puppy look, “our doctor can’t figure anything out. No toxins from when she chewed on my prosthesis. I’d really rather not have to lock Mallie up in box if you can help her. And nobody wants her…euthanized. But if we can’t fix her, well, we won’t be able to take care of. Nobody will and….”

“She’s a good kitty, really,” Chip said.

“When did she start acting up?”

“About a week ago,” Lee lied. “Suddenly started to sneak up and molest us. Even Chip.”

“Ah yes, Chipee isn’t it?”

“Yes ma’am. I just don’t know what to do. She’s…my baby in a way… I don’t want to have her put down…I can’t…I just can’t.”

Were those tears I saw? Well, I suppose I should be happy that should Chip give up his day job, he can always move to Hollywood.

“When do you want me to be ready?”

Ira whispered something in her ear, shaking his head.

“Am I correct,” I asked, “in assuming that you both have plans for tomorrow?”

“Yes, actually,” White said.

“Can’t you postpone your date?”

“Weren’t you listening, Captain? Mrs. Hewlett is not my ‘date’, Captain. She’s my fiancé. And we’ve been invited to the mayor’s gala.”

“I’ll make a deal with you,” I said, “come on over, the both of you, and NCIMR will foot the bill for your wedding reception, whenever and wherever you have it. And we’ll pay your diagnostic visit twice the going rate.”

“I’m sure the mayor will understand the emergency,” Lee said.

“And supper will be steak and potatoes,” Chip said.

Mrs. Hewlett began to laugh.

“You don’t have to go on,” she said, “We’ll come. If I may bring Ira along?”

I could see that Ira was not at all happy, but he said nothing.

“Of course. Delighted to have you both. Thank you,” Lee said, relieved.

“By the way, Captain,” she added, “I’m on your side for a replacement prosthesis. Just thought you’d like to know.”

Lee nodded with a grin.

“We’ll be in touch with details for meeting the flying sub…Seaview out.”

And with that Sparks ended the connection.

“Okay, Skipper,” Chip said, “now that’s settled, just how are we going to make the cat aggressive?”

“I’m thinking about it, I’m thinking about it.”

I decided to sit in the Nose and watch our arrival at the  island, and declined the offer to go with the procurement team.  Lee and Joe retired to Lee’s cabin, no doubt to discuss operation mad cat. The feline in question having strode down the spiral ladder and joined me, hopping up into my lap and purring.